75% of my friends who've gone through same sex relationship tell me that they can't make friends with their exs. It is understandable of course, especially if the relationship was a tumultous one.
In my case, whether it was a rocky road romance or not, I try to make friends with my exs. For the simple reason that I want to be in good terms to almost everyone. That is why 95% of the previous SOs (Significant Others) become my closest friends. I actually have no idea how I do this.
I the equation Former Lovers + ??? = Friends, what is ??? ?
What is that missing something (???) in the equation for ex lovers to become friends?
I hope the equation is as easy as:
1 + ??? = 4
then applying the concept of Algebra a + b = x, we have the value of ??? as 3. But it's not that easy of course.
Wouldn't it be nice that all ex lovers would still turn out as friends even after a failed relationship?
Then the world would be a much happier place to live in.
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.
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Okay, that's crap!
It's just some wishful thinking. =P
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
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13 comments:
you can love someone and not be able to ever speak to them ever again.
i have also noticed, though, that many young relationships are based on the will to power and not love. that the two relate to each other mediated through what they project onto each other. when the projections are withdrawn and a commitment to deepen intimacy/love is not present, the will to power takes possession of the process and usually does so much damage in the end trying to avoid damage-to-self, that it usually makes any post-relationship relationship impossible.
Kaibigan ko halos lahat ng mga ex ko. Bilang patunay, isa sa kanila ay makikita dito.
Sorry, Ewik, kelangan ko sabihin ito. Hee hee. Ayan, nakalibreng plugging ka sa akin (pero lam ko di mo na kelangan nun, hahaha).
JTSS,
Boying Opaw
mga echusero kayo! feeling ko may alyansahang nagaganap kontra sa akin at kampi kay dabo. hmmm....
hahahaha.
good break up. never leave a single issue unresolve. yun lang yun!
if only everyone relating to others possessed such great communication skills -- there may be less ex-es in the world.
friendship is aint substitute for affection.
I still believe that.
It’s a working theory, however it has a bitter taste on my end.
I’m trying to unlearn.
It depends really on how deep your bond in the relationship and how clean your break up was.
I'm close with my ex-gf, cool with my first bf, and in non-speaking terms with my last ex.
like opaw, i'm friends with all of my ex's.
and dabo, there can be affection in friendship. basta walang bitterness. haha.
I saw Kiel and one of his ex in a party once. I never knew they were ex-es until Kiel told me. They looked like they were just old friends.
civil pwede pa
i told ekis (my first partner) that he just lost a partner when we broke up, but i will always be his friend.
and yes, we are good friends up to now.
Easier said than done...
wow.. sana nga malaman na natin kung ano yung ??? kasi i've never been able to maintain a friendship with an ex. if posible to for me, siguro ang saya saya na ng buhay ko. hehe
oh, i am also a "friend-my-ex" type of guy. but i learned that not all of my exe's wants this. sometimes it is hurtful for them to remind of a failed marriage.
for me, i think the ???? is all about appraisal and goals. how does one appraised the failed relationship? and, more importantly, what is one's goals of the other person for the future?
but, i believe that lovers can never be friends the next day (lalo na kapag in love pa yung isang tao, but when both parties have empty love na talaga for a long period of time, that is the different story). The attachment bond must be cut. There must be a process called detachment. And severing physical and psychological proximity is one way of stopping the attachment bond.
when do we have that coffee and talk about Attachment theory? ;-)
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